When you’re not the main caregiver for an elderly parent, and live in a different town or neighborhood, keeping tabs on the health and well-being of your loved one can be a financial and emotional challenge.

According to a July 2004 study by the MetLife Mature Market Institute and the National Alliance for Caregiving, family caregivers live 450 miles from their senior parents on average, and spend $392 monthly for various expenses. They are often forced to change their work schedules and miss about 20 hours of work each month. A study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP in 2004 found that more than 25 million family caregivers in this country work full time outside the home.

Even if you’ve hired a home caregiver to handle the bulk of the workload, it’s understandable if you feel powerless, alone, and stressed out, but there are practical ways to deal with the situation.

Here are a few ideas that may help:

  1. Always be willing to listen to what your parent’s caregiver has to say. If you honestly engage in open communication with the primary caregiver, you can easily nip problems in the bud as they arise, and stay in-the-know about the daily activities and welfare of your loved one. Keeping in touch benefits the caregiver as well. The job can be very stressful at times, so any help and assistance you provide will always be appreciated. Checking in shows you care and are willing to listen to any concerns the caregiver may have. Be thankful and polite.

  2. A little communication goes a long way. Your elderly parent probably feels lonely and disconnected from the world. Brief visits or a quick phone call can do wonders to boost morale – sometimes it’s the simple gestures that make the biggest difference. Keeping in contact shows you care even if you can’t visit often or stay for extended periods of time. Staying in touch counters stress and improves the health of your parent.

  3. Once in a while, send your parent a letter or card just to show you’re thinking about them. Such tokens of love and appreciation make it easy to affect your loved one in a big way. Plus, the elderly often find it easier to follow written communications, and love to keep up-to-date on family matters. Send photos of the family with updates on anything that’s been happening in your life. This helps seniors stay involved with the world in a meaningful way.

  4. Ask the caregiver questions about the health of your loved one on a regular basis – don’t let health issues pass you by. If your elderly parent becomes ill or develops new health problems, it will be easier to care for them properly if you deal with difficulties from the start, before they have time to worsen.

  5. When you do have time to make an in-person visit, use the time you have together productively. Do a few household chores, spend some quality time with your loved one, and participate wherever you can. Although home caregivers can handle a large workload, they always appreciate a helping hand. The job is a difficult one. At the same time, getting directly involved in the care of your elderly parent is an excellent way to bridge the gap that distance has placed between you, and let the caregiver know that you have a vested interest in the comfort and security of your parent. This is also a great way to determine if any tasks have been forgotten, or if your loved one has developed new requirements and needs.

  6. When you visit, consider taking your mom or dad on an outing, especially on warm, sunny days. Getting out of the house and spending time with you is the perfect way to improve your parent’s mood and lighten the mental load they may be carrying. Eat a nice meal together at home and spend some time relaxing. Show the love you have for your parent in small ways.

  7. Help with your parent’s finances if you can. This may involve paying for certain services or medications, or simply consist of organizing finances if your parent has lost the capacity to do this independently.

  8. Keep a file on your elderly parent’s health and medical history, as well as any doctors or professionals involved in your loved one’s life. The more knowledge you have about your parent’s medical conditions, the easier it will be to deal with future decisions regarding medical emergencies and evolving health problems.